ChikitaWolf on DeviantArthttps://www.deviantart.com/chikitawolf/art/DGM-L-i-b-e-r-i-521709550ChikitaWolf

Deviation Actions

[DGM] L i b e r i

Published: Mar 22, 2015

1.6K Views

Description

Edit: Thank you all so SOOO much for the support. I cannot even put into words how much I appreciate it. Y'all surprise me at every corner with how many kind people there are and how much care is given I can't even aha;; I'll treasure all of you forever <3 Thank you for dealing with my vents and shakiness this year TvT;;;;

I feel lost. It's like every time I find a foothold, I slip again, and getting up becomes harder and harder. I'm terrified of losing interest in drawing and writing like I have with everything else, and to boot college seems absolutely determined to beat the shit out of me with anxiety over the stupidest of things. I keep digging my hole deeper and deeper, screwing up more and more simply because I can't take the initiative by myself anymore.

I really hate it.

I hate how I care enough to spiral into anxiety and yet I feel no drive to move onward like I want to.

I hate how all of these options to fix myself are open to me and yet I don't take advantage of them like I need to.

And I hate hiding from everyone. I want nothing more than to dive back into socializing and sharing and dorking around here online, but I can't. I don't want people to have to deal with me when I'm like this, because I'm at the point where I don't even have the energy anymore to pretend everything's alright.

So this is why I've been inactive. My counseling session weeks ago confirmed I have depression and anxiety, but I have yet to get medication and organize therapy for it. And every day that passes and every time I get stressed, I feel like I'm falling apart a little more. It's beyond frustrating.

But I haven't given up. I refuse to. Giving up won't get me anywhere, that'd just mean accepting things as they are. I don't want to live my life like this. I don't want to be caged in by these stupid, irrational feelings forever.

So I'll keep fighting. I'll find a way around this.
Just gotta get off my ass and get the help I need..

I'm sorry to those whom I've worried and to anyone I've inconvenienced. I just... can't be social right now. I need some more time to myself. I don't know when I'll be back on track again with owed work, so I'm not going to make any promises since I know I'll break them. I just wanted y'all to know that despite my unexplained absence I'm alive, and that once I've gotten myself together again I'll be back. Promise.

Thanks, and sorry again,
~ Chi

Image size

2070x1866px 1.41 MB

Comments14

Join the community to add your comment. Already a deviant? Log In

knightchick

Apr 7, 2015

Chi you have absolutely nothing to feel sorry about, or be angry at yourself over. If anything, the fact that you're refusing to give up and are not going to lie down and let this take over you is admirable beyond words. Someone in my life has let his depression take over him and he did lie down and let it happen, so I am so proud of you for saying "no, you won't take me"

And I know it's hard, this whole situation is. But that makes the fact that you're fighting it all the more admirable

We love you, Chi. You're a massive inspiration to us for your art and your personality and just your awesome Chi-ness, and that won't change just because you need some time to yourself. And we know that you'll kick this thing in its ugly face and show it who's boss

For teh artwork itself, I'm absolutely in awe of the Rose Cross, holy cats. It just looks too cool~ gosh dang and the contrast here, especially in the skin and hair, is tres magnifique ;u;b